After-Action Report: Festival of Holidays

A short one this time—I'm still working on getting back on track, and you don't want to waste hours of your Christmas reading my barely-coherent ramblings.

Last year, our Christmastime Disneyland visit turned out to be more of Christmastime California Adventure visit, because the new Festival of Holidays event proved so engaging. We didn't even visit the food kiosks due to lack of funds, but I got a good review of World of Color: Season of Light out of it, so it wasn't a total loss.

This year...it happened again. And this time we did try some of the food offerings. More on that in a bit, but for now, I want to focus on what a good idea the Festival of Holidays is in general. Guys? Management guys? This is how you leverage your California theme to provide quality entertainment while still pulling in the money you love so much. If there's one thing we Californians pride ourselves on, it's our multicultural savvy.* This state boasts an extremely high level of ethnic and cultural diversity, and by and large we embrace it.

Flipping the Script: Enchanted Tiki Room

Okay, so it wound up being two weeks instead. I'm still getting back up to speed in more ways than one.

For those of you in similar circumstances (getting up to speed, that is), Flipping the Script is my new post category addressing the wide (but perhaps not wide enough) world of Disney-attractions-turned-movies. Last time, I briefly examined the existing list of such movies to see what does and doesn't work about them. Now it's time to start proposing my own ideas for what Disney could do with this underserved concept in the future. And the first one is perhaps a little obvious, but I think it potentially has legs: the Enchanted Tiki Room!

Flipping the Script: Up Until This Point

They haven't been talking about it much, but from what I can tell, the Jungle Cruise movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” “Maui” Johnson is still going to be a thing. And that's pretty cool. There have been what, half a dozen Disney theme park attraction IPs adapted into movies at this point, of which only one has been financially successful (and boy howdy has it ever), yet they're still willing to tap this well for inspiration. That's actually...a bit heartening. It means the decision-makers actually recognize that a ride or attraction doesn't have to be based on a movie to be worthwhile in its own right. Here's hoping the Jungle Cruise flick is good enough to be enjoyable, but not so successful that they install a bunch of Dwayne Johnson animatronics in the actual Jungle.

But that gets me thinking...where to next for the ultimate trend in flipping the theme park script? What other attractions have decent film potential? Hence this new post category: Flipping the Script,* wherein I explore the possibilities! For this first installment, however, I'm going to briefly review the existing “theme park movies” and see if I can tease out a) Disney's methodology for producing them and b) patterns of success and failure in said methodology. How do ride concepts map onto things like film genre and themes? How much does the existing structure of a ride constrain its film adaptation? How much should it constrain it? And so on.

After-Action Report: Disabled at Disneyland

Yes, the blog is still on hiatus due to Yours Truly's knee injury, but this topic intimately concerns said injury, so I figured I'd throw you a bone. (All, what, three of you?) I may do this from time to time until I'm properly back in the saddle and can commit to a weekly schedule again. The point is, a torn ACL, etc. is no excuse to cancel previously existing theme park plans, so the other day I got to undergo the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience.

My challenge was in fact twofold: 1) a complete inability to put weight on my left leg, and 2) this big honking immobilizing brace they're having me wear until further notice, additionally preventing me from bending said leg...unless I take it off, which is technically an option, but one I want to avoid as much as possible. I mention this because it serves as a contrast with my previous secondhand glimpses of the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience, with a party member who could walk, just not for hours at a time. No ride or attraction need be off-limits to such an individual. I knew from the outset that my situation was going to be a bit more dire than that.

So how did it work out? Here are some of the highlights. And lowlights.

Armchair Imagineering: Halloween Music Loops

As the Halloween season gets into gear, I naturally start thinking about how Disneyland could improve their Halloween offerings. If you've been following me for a while, you might remember this post. Or perhaps not. Either way, this week I've decided to focus on an element of seasonal theme parkery* that I only touched on back then: music loops.

The great majority of themed areas in the Disneyland Resort include some sort of background music loop that can be heard throughout all or part of the area. During the winter holiday seasom, AKA “Christmas,” several areas play a special seasonal loop in lieu of the normal one. So with Halloween becoming as big a deal as Christmas in terms of decorations, live entertainment, etc....why not shore it up with music?

Part of the problem, of course—maybe the biggest part—is that there isn't a lot of immediately recognizable “Halloween music” out there. Sure, there are a few hits that all the radio stations play in October—“Monster Mash” by Bobby Pickett, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson, and “Dead Man's Party” by Oingo Boingo being some of the most noteworthy—but nothing like the dozens of standard Christmas hymns and carols, which get covered and re-arranged into every conceivable musical genre so that no theme park music designer could fail to find what they're looking for.

So is this a fruitless project, then? Of course not. I would hardly have taken it far enough to post if it were. While the “canon” of Halloween music is very slim indeed and might seem too contemporary for the various historical and fantastical realms present in Disneyland, a little research turns up dozens of songs about ghosts and goblins, witches and vampires, and assorted things that go bump in the night, going right back to the Jazz Age and even earlier.

So here, in (relative) brief, are some ideas for music that could be used to enhance Disneyland's Halloween seasonal flair!

Unauthorized Fun – Kingdom Hearts Tour

A funny thing happened about five minutes after I submitted last week's post. I suddenly remembered that when Kingdom Hearts was new—well, newer than it is today*—I actually had a silly idea for a “Kingdom Hearts tour,” where you would visit attractions in the same order as you visit the corresponding “worlds” in the game.

And...why not? I'm distracted this week, it's been a while since I offered up any Unauthorized Fun, and we're just entering the time of year where you can actually experience this ride plan to its fullest extent. So here it is: The Disneyland Resort Kingdom Hearts Tour!

Beyond Blue Sky: Disney Parks and Kingdom Hearts

You know what I haven't talked about in a good while? Video games.

I like video games. I want to say I love them, but in all honesty? If I truly loved them I'd probably play more of them. Keeping on top of the medium takes a serious investment of time and money that I'm just not willing to put in. It would too greatly hamper my ability to pursue everything else I do...including this blog. I'm usually vaguely aware of the latest developments in the industry, but the most advanced console in my personal possession is...a PlayStation 2.

But that's okay. You know what I can play on a PS2? Kingdom Hearts.

I've mentioned before that there are many similarities between playing a video game, especially one with a “sandbox” structure, and visiting a theme park. The games in the Kingdom Hearts series are not very sandbox-y, but they are especially comparable to a Disneyland visit, and not just because of the whole Disney mega-crossover thing. Game progression in this series revolves around traveling to a succession of “worlds,” like miniature planets, each a unique setting with its own theme and quirks. In the first game alone (the one I own and the only one I am especially familiar with—see above), the playable worlds include a tropical island, a gorilla-inhabited jungle, an underwater realm, a spooooooky haunted realm, a pseudo-futuristic/steampunk/magepunk palace, Wonderland, Neverland, and the 100-Acre Wood. Kingdom Hearts II adds a fairy tale castle, a pirate cove, a world of classic cartoons, and a virtual reality computer world, among others. I can't keep track of all the prequels and interquels and whatnot cluttering up the franchise, but the third proper installment is due to be released next year, and...guys?

There's theme park in it.

One of the game's special features will have the hero summon ride vehicles—actual ride vehicles, ranging in type from a Big Thunder Mountain train to a pair of spinning Teacups—and ride in them to gain advantages during battle sequences. As a charming bonus, the vehicles show up outlined in little colored lights, à la Electrical Parade floats:

Disney's most ambitious and unique concept has finally been included in what is probably its most successful video game franchise. I'm surprised the park fans aren't talking about it more.* But it's not really fully integrated, is it? The “summons” in these games are fun, but they're basically cameos. They're not part of the story. The stuff that matters in these games is bound up in the various worlds you travel to and the native characters you meet there.

You can probably tell where I'm going with this. Just for fun, here's some completely speculative fanwank on my part about how certain Disneyland attractions might fit into the Kingdom Hearts series as actual worlds. Naturally, there's more to consider than just “Is this cool?” Ideally, a world for this game franchise should combine:

• A striking setting
• Potential unique gameplay elements
• Potential thematic enemy types/bosses
• Characters who can be your allies

Even of the existing worlds, not all of them hit all four points, but most of them hit at least three, and the exceptions are typically uniquely positioned within the plot—for instance, in the first game, “End of the World” contains no allies, but that's because it's the last dang stage in the game, described as a conglomeration of destroyed worlds—what friendly character could reasonably be expected to show up there?

So here's what I've come up with.

Beyond Blue Sky: A Princess For Every Land

Let's be perfectly clear: Most animated Disney movies are not “Princess movies.” Run the numbers, and you’ll find that a protagonist in the Disney Animated Canon is much more likely to be some kind of non-human animal than a young lady of royal disposition.

If not both...

But the Princesses are probably the most collectively visible characters under the Disney banner, and not just because they have a merchandise brand. And there are quite a few of them, especially when you expand beyond the fairly restrictive boundaries* of said brand. They are perhaps the quintessential Fantasyland characters, but are so popular for meet-and-greets that Fantasyland alone cannot contain them. Not only do Princesses pop up in other parts of Disneyland and even across the way in California Adventure, but Fantasyland itself annexed a chunk of Main Street in order to host the Princesses in Fantasy Faire.

So here's an idea that's kinda fun and silly: Can we assign each land in the Disneyland Resort its very own, focus-tested, thematically or at least situationally appropriate Princess? And by we, I of course mean I. I have too much respect for you to ever accuse you of finding enjoyment in something this self-referentially nerdy.

It should go without saying, but I am not restricting this project to the “official” Disney Princesses, or even the official Princesses plus the few characters that everyone assumes will become official sooner or later. That wouldn't be enough, in terms of raw numbers or variety of character types. Instead, I am taking into consideration official Princesses, presumed future official Princesses, and characters from theatrical releases who are referred to as princesses and/or presumed to be princesses in-universe. Basically, if fans are prone to wondering why a character isn't included in the brand, we can give her an honorarium for the purposes of this post.

Got it? Good.

After-Action Report: The Frontier Re-Opens!

“...a sound broke out over the gently rippling water. In fact it was a sound that they had heard several times since entering Frontierland without thinking anything of it…because never during fifty years of their experience, except for comparatively brief stretches involving maintenance, had Frontierland been without it. It was almost background noise, a sound they took for granted. Its absence would have been a deafening clamor.

It was the low, mellow blast of the steam whistle on a paddlewheel-driven riverboat.”

– Crowns of the Kingdom Chapter 6, “Weirdness in the Wild West”

It may be the height of arrogance to quote one's own writing, but while planning this post and trying to come up with the best way to explain what it has been like to be without the Mark Twain—and the Columbia and the Disneyland Railroad and the rest—since January of 2016, I realized that...I already had. Their absence has been a deafening clamor. Disneyland isn't quite itself without these 100% classic attractions...particularly the steamboat and steam train, Opening Day originals.

It's been especially disconcerting because we've known the whole time that when they re-opened, these rides would be drastically—and permanently—altered. New construction around the edges of the park has affected the Disneyland Railroad before, of course, but never quite on this scale. We've been hearing a lot about how the train now turns left for the first! time! ever! as if that were something genuinely exciting. Me? I wasn't sure anything could make up for the fact that Tom Sawyer Island and the Rivers of America themselves have been truncated in order to free up land for Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge.

So now that I've seen it all...how is it? So glad you asked...

It Came From The Fandom: The Happiest Place

Once again, I find myself lacking the wherewithal to produce a full post in time for Monday, so I'm stealing content from elsewhere on the Net and calling it a friendly cross-promotion, or whatever. Ironically, part of the reason for my malaise is that I spent Saturday at Disneyland, taking in the re-opened Disneyland Railroad, Rivers of America, and Fantasmic!—more on all that hopefully next week, after I've had a few days to get my thoughts in order.

For now, I offer you...fanfiction. Oh, stop making that face. It's true that the vast majority of fanfiction—no matter the fandom—is completely terrible, due to the barriers to entry being basically non-existent. But by the same token, it's no harder for a talented writer to self-publish online than a godawful one, so once in a while you might stumble something genuinely worth reading. Today I'd like to share a bona-fide unicorn: a fanfic about Disneyland itself, starring actual Disney characters (not the author's own dull self-insert) on an epic adventure to save the magic!

No, it's not my own “Crowns of the Kingdom” (though if you'd like to make my day...sidebar link, hint hint!). This unexpected treasure is called “The Happiest Place,” by fanfiction.net author ForTalosandtheEmpire. Not only is it well-written in general, but it hits all the right notes for my ideal Disneyland-based story, blending action, fantasy, heartfelt character moments, and, best of all, a baked-in appreciation for the magic of Disneyland quite apart from its status as the place where characters live. Most fanfic writers who tackle Disney theme parks tend to go with one of two portrayals—either they're “just” theme parks, or they harbor secret portals to the Magical Realms of Disney (i.e. the settings of the movies, Kingdom Hearts-style). ForTalosandtheEmpire has somehow hit upon an elusive sweet spot between the two, resulting in a depiction of Disneyland as we fans experience it, not necessarily as it is in objective reality.

If you're feeling hard-up for some of that good old Disneyland magic and have spare time for reading, you could do a lot worse.

Sentimental Paleontology: He Was Here to Change the World

I begin writing this post with very little idea what I am going to say. As far as I am concerned, the ultimate, definitive, never-to-be-surpassed post about Captain EO already exists, courtesy of the superbly insightful FoxxFur. You can read it here, and you should. I won't be offended if you read it before, or even instead of, my post. It really is a masterful summation of why Captain EO works, or if it doesn't exactly work, why it nonetheless achieves a sort of endearing somethingness that I don't even have words for.

See, I'm barely one paragraph into this thing and I'm already at loose ends. Am I finally in over my head? Have I at last discovered my limits when it comes to Disneyland blogging?

Has Captain EO defeated me?

The answer is contained within the question. No, Captain EO has not defeated me. Captain EO is not a defeating kind of character; that is the whole point.

Let me start over.

I vividly remember when this short film debuted in Tomorrowland's Magic Eye Theater. How could I not? The TV ad spot showed up in pretty much every commercial break that summer. As a nine-year-old with very little celebrity awareness, I was only vaguely aware of George Lucas and had never heard of Francis Ford Coppola, but Michael Jackson? Now that name had cachet, even with me.

But maybe—and this is where this narrative goes off the rails—not enough.

Imagineering Theory: The Art of Placemaking, Part 2

So I have this theory of sorts regarding how themed areas at Disney parks come across independent of whatever attractions they might boast. I think in order to “work” (however you might interpret that word), a themed area needs to a) represent an easily recognizable concept, and b) entice on the basis of said concept, before you even consider rides and such. Last week, I did a rundown of the lands of Disneyland to see how they stack up, and this week, the quest continues with California Adventure.

Imagineering Theory: The Art of Placemaking, Part 1

So a couple weeks ago, I was not entirely critical of the announced plan to remake Paradise Pier into “Pixar Pier.” Even though I assume this will ultimately end up meaning “basically the same thing but with pictures of characters everywhere,” it at least has the potential to wind up marginally more interesting than what we currently have, which is perhaps best described as “I dunno, carnival rides and stuff—hey look! Mickey Mouse!” I know there's supposed to be some sort of “Victorian seaside amusement park” motif going on, but honestly? It doesn't come across that well. It's going to be hard to convince me that it's the 1890s while simultaneously going “Hey look! Mickey Mouse!”

But let's be real for a moment here...unless I have radically misunderstood John Lasseter's intentions, “Pixar Pier” is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a proper area theme. It occurs to me that one of the problems with current design directions in the Disney parks is that a fundamental misunderstanding of what area theming is, has taken root among both designers and fans. People have somehow gotten the idea that area theming is nothing more than some rides that are placed close together and have something in common (and that “something” can be nothing more than a brand).

But it's not, is it? Proper area theming is sometimes referred to with another word: placemaking. I have never seen this word used in any other context and have no idea when or by whom it was coined, but it's such a perfect encapsulation of what good area theming does: it makes a place. And I believe that the success or failure of a themed area as a whole hinges on whether or not guests a) recognize that place, and b) consider it a good place to be, outside of the attractions.

Can we get any additional insight by examining the existing themed areas of the Disneyland Resort and seeing how they hold up? Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?

Guest Post! Tomorrowland - Innovating Technology With Imagination

It is my very great privilege this week to share, for the first time, a post by a guest author! The author in question is in fact my sister, who created the blog banner, took some of the photos I have used for illustration, and even comments here from time to time. She is not usually as wordy an Armchair Imagineer as I am, but on this occasion, inspiration struck.

Armchair Imagineering: Pixar Pier

So D23 just happened last weekend. I didn't get to go, but by all accounts, the Parks Division had a lot to say about their upcoming projects. Among them is a plan to remodel California Adventure's Paradise Pier—again—this time with a unique and cohesive theme that really brings across the romance of the boardwalk and the seaside environment.

Nah, just kidding. They're gonna slather Pixar IP all over the place.

I've explained before why I don't think a “Pixar Land” would really work as a themed area. In brief, few Pixar movies have the kind of setting that would be fascinating just to exist in; they mostly take place in the normal modern world, or a facsimile of it (even if they offer a different perspective on said world). But I must say...it's not as if the area is all that compelling to begin with. Maybe a dose of Pixar-i-fication will at least liven things up a bit.

But can we at least hope that they don't just randomly slap these valuable IPs on attractions and shops willy-nilly? Please? Can we hope for some logic to be involved?

Maybe?

The Second Sense: A Disneyland Playlist, Part 5

All good things must come to an end, and here we are. For the very last leg of this playlist, covering California Adventure, I'm going to change up my methodology—rather than meticulously covering every noteworthy attraction in every land, I'm going to pick theme songs for each land and just the standout attractions therein. California Adventure hasn't been around as long as Disneyland and has spent much of that time flailing for purpose; it hasn't had much of a chance to build up a roster of instant memory-making music. On the flipside, songs in praise of California itself aren't exactly rare. So let's see what we wind up with!

The Second Sense: A Disneyland Playlist, Part 4

We've made it all the way to Part 4 of my “layman's Disneyland playlist” (previous installments can be found here, here, and here). All that's left for the main park is Mickey's Toontown and Tomorrowland. I may or may not also tackle California Adventure, but for now, we're in the home stretch!

Bonus Post: Okay, So, About Pirates...

Okay, kids fellow adults, we have to talk about Pirates of the Caribbean.

The internet has been losing its collective mind over the past several days concerning the announcement that major changes are planned for Pirates in no fewer than three parks—Paris, Orlando, and our own Anaheim. The one garnering the most attention is a proposed overhaul of the Auction scene, where instead of male pirates auctioning off women as “brides,” including a very sultry (and suspiciously cooperative) redhead, the redhead herself will be a pirate auctioning off inanimate loot such as luxury furniture.

The announcement has garnered two basic flavors of reaction. Long-term fans of Disney theme parks are deep in mourning over the imminent demise of one of the most iconic scenes in the single greatest theme park ride every constructed. On the other hand, many feminists are celebrating the fact that a chronically objectified female character is finally being empowered and made the captain* of her own destiny.

As a long-term fan of Disneyland who is also a feminist, I can see both sides. As I suspect most of my readers are more familiar with (and in accordance with) the theme park fan arguments, I am going to play a bit of devil's advocate and explain the feminist point of view, as well as addressing some of the common complaints from the fans.

The Second Sense: A Disneyland Playlist, Part 3

The playlist project continues! (Just checking in? First check out Part 1 and Part 2!) Fantasyland is so rich in attractions, and the song choices are so obvious, that it gets an installment all to itself.

Now, “obvious” doesn't mean “automatic.” The dark rides tend to sample pretty liberally from their source materials' soundtracks, and in limiting myself to one song per attraction, I have to do some heavy pruning to pick the best one.

The Second Sense: A Disneyland Playlist, Part 2

The mission: To assemble the perfect Disneyland playlist, referencing every themed land and major attraction, using only songs and instrumental music that a relative newbie to the hobby would be able to readily find. There's no need to dive into limited-edition multi-disc park soundtracks, the “Disneyland Forever” archives, or the murky depths of torrent streaming.*

Last week, I covered Main Street, USA and Adventureland. This week...the mission continues!

The Second Sense: A Disneyland Playlist, Part 1

In analyzing the new area loop for the Esplanade last week, I got to thinking about what such a music loop is, and the answer was both obvious and food for further thought: it's a themed playlist. Users of Pandora and similar internet radio services will be familiar with this concept—you choose a set of songs (and/or instrumental pieces) to enhance a mood, illustrate a concept, or otherwise adhere to, well, a theme. Think of the mixtapes of “makeout music” people would put together back in the day when tapes were still a thing. Or a student's “study playlist,” comprising songs that help them concentrate on their academic work.

The theme of the Esplanade music loop is, of course, “The Disneyland Resort.” The objective is to give arriving guests a foretaste of the sorts of attractions the two parks offer. I would say it succeeds (even without any reference to the Haunted Mansion), although first-time guests may not pay much attention or connect the rides they go on later with the snippets of music they heard upon arriving. They will probably at least recognize the tunes, and so the loop sets an appropriate “wonderful world of Disney” atmosphere.

We Disneyland fans, of course, like to create our own playlists honoring the park(s). Of course, ours generally consist of music and even non-musical audio taken directly from the attractions, live entertainment, and other experiences within the parks. We scour released albums and the internet for as much genuine Disneyland music as we can lay our hands on, and arrange it geographically, land by land, to create the perfect, comprehensive collection.

My Disneyland playlist easily occupies a 40-hour work week. Not that I'm bragging.

But suppose you didn't have access to all these specialized theme park albums? Suppose you wanted to create a working Disneyland playlist from the much more commonly found Disney film soundtracks and general genre music? Say, one song per significant attraction, maybe another to bring across the ambiance of each land? It wouldn't be 40 hours long, obviously, but it might occupy a long drive. (Such as the drive to Disneyland? Well, that depends on where you live.)

It needn't be completely devoid of park-specific melodies, as many of the more successful songs have been released on Disney compilation albums. Additionally, many of the individual performers and groups that have been stationed at Disneyland over the years have released recordings, some of which are still available.

For the next few weeks, I'll be sharing my version of such a thing. I've had to break it into segments because this post would be unfathomably long otherwise. So here's Part 1—Main Street and Adventureland.

The Second Sense: Esplanade Music Loop Updated!

Pretty short this week, but I've been busy and I'd rather give you something than nothing.

Over a year ago at this point, I did a post focusing on the music loop that plays non-stop in the Disneyland Esplanade. Outside of the winter holiday season, the same one had been in use since the opening of California Adventure, despite numerous changes occurring in both parks that made some tracks irrelevant and invited replacements to hint at the newer attractions.

Well, as of about a week ago, according to reports from my colleagues at Mousebits, the loop has finally been updated! I haven't gotten a chance to hear it yet, but we do have a breakdown of the track list, and in the broad strokes at least, the changes line up with many of my suggestions. Tracks representing attractions which have gone extinct since 2001 have been dropped, and quite a few new ones have been added to illustrate what has debuted in the interim. Beyond that, even many of the melodies that are still relevant have been traded for variations or substitutions. Less than a third of the music from the previous loop remains—a significant transformation!

Imagineering Theory: Thinking Beyond “Rides”

This is probably going to be a controversial opinion, but I think theme park fans get too hung up on rides.

No, not attractions. It's not a theme park—or any kind of leisure destination—without attractions. I do mean rides. I think many theme park fans obsess too much over, specifically, the sorts of attractions that physically move you around, to the point where the other sorts are rarely even discussed in the context of worthwhile things to do during a visit. Sometimes it goes further, to a veiled assertion that the more extreme the movement, the objectively “better” the ride is, but for now I'll stick to the simple dichotomy of ride vs. non-ride.

Isn't that nuts? To care only about rides and not about the many other kinds of attractions boasted at Disney theme parks? These places are known for so much more, but when was the last time you saw an Armchair Imagineer (besides me) attempt to design a parade or a show or even just a nice little nook to rest your feet?

Is it just that the potential variety of rides is more obvious? Do people have a hard time thinking up new twists to put on the other categories of attractions? Well, what kind of Dilettante would I be if I didn't have some ideas in that regard?

Sentimental Paleontology: Twilight Zone Tower of Terror

Well, here we are. The Great California Adventure Mistake of 2017 is live, with reports of a queue stretching all the way to the park's entrance.

Within five minutes of opening.

Every day so far.

Dammit, people. Why are you rewarding them for this? That thing should have opened to the sound of crickets, and not the kind that asks you to recycle your beverage containers.

Dude. This is actually a pin.

Nuts to y'all. I'm going to reminisce about what we lost.

Imagineering Theory: The Range of Mountains

Disney likes to set thrill rides in mountains. One possible reason is pragmatic—the conical shape of a mountain makes a good base structure for a track, and the protruding peak is a natural “weenie” making it easy for guests to find the exciting ride. Another could very well be thematic—mountains are places of adventure. They are the lairs of monsters, the strongholds of villains, things to climb or cross in the name of exploration. A mountain is a semi-self-contained environment, a perfect canvas for the theming that Disney so excels in.

I've identified three key ingredients that make each of Disneyland's “mountains” unique. Each one has a distinctive Setting, an exotic and memorable environment. Its track has a particular characteristic, a Track Quirk, that harmonizes with the setting and imparts a little something more to the kinetic aspect of the ride than a standard roller coaster. And it offers a Threat, turning a simple fast and/or bumpy ride into a story with the riders at the center.

So this week, I'll summarize how the five mountains of the Disneyland Resort use these ingredients, and then propose a couple of entirely new variations on the recipe.

It Came From the Fandom: SALUG Models at Supertrain

It's that time again...that time when I, your humble Dilettante, am short on material and have to turn to my fellow fans to provide content on schedule.

I love backup plans, don't you?

This time around, the subject is...well, it involves LEGO. (This seems to keep happening.) See, there's this organization in Canada called SALUG: the Southern Alberta LEGO User Group. And there's this annual model train convention in Calgary called Supertrain. Since LEGO model trains are a thing, the group has been known to build elaborate model train layouts for the convention.

At least twice, there was a Disneyland fan on deck.

For Supertrain 2005, they ran a train not entirely dissimilar to the good old Disneyland Railroad through a lovingly detailed plastic brick recreation of New Orleans Square and Splash Mountain. The following year, if anything they outdid themselves with a magnificently accurate model of Main Street, including the park's Main Gate, the entrance to Tomorrowland, Sleeping Beauty Castle, and even a sliver of the Fantasyland Courtyard. As a bonus, to the right of the Main Gate they decided to include...well, just have a look!

2005 photos

2006 photos

Sadly, I can't find any evidence that SALUG continued this tradition past 2006. But at least we have these wonderful photos to remember it by. Perhaps someday their example will inspire me to assemble something I wouldn't mind sharing with you!

Source Materials: The Wildest Life in the Wilderness

Gather 'round, boys and girls, and I'll tell you a True Anecdote^TM from the life of the Disneyland Dilettante.

I think most children discover the joy of roller coasters as soon as they're tall enough to get on one, pretty much. Call it age four. But I? I was a bit of a coward during my early childhood. I wasn't afraid of being thrown from a roller coaster car—I was bright enough to know that wasn't a real risk—but of being scared, of finding the bumpy motion too much for my peace of mind. I had nothing to fear but fear itself.

When I was about eight years old, I finally mustered up the courage to try out Disneyland's coasters. And loved them, of course. But there was a snag: I had a little sister who looked up to me. I had convinced her that roller coasters were too scary, and she didn't trust the sudden turnaround. “It's okay,” I told her. “They're actually not scary,” I opined. Nope. No sell.

“At least try this one,” I said finally. “You'll like it...it has animals on it.”

That did the trick. Roller coasters became, finally, fun for our whole family, because one coaster had the right carrot for the youngest member thereof. The ride in question? Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

The wildlife presence on this ride is probably part of the draw for a lot of people. One of the main reasons people visit real wilderness areas is the hope of encountering animals they don't get to see every day. Big Thunder is far from the only ride at Disneyland to heavily feature wild animals, but it's one of the only ones to offer a mostly realistic, straightforward take on them. These animals are not cartoon characters, they're not space aliens, and they're not being pointed out to us by a sarcastic college student. They're just...present, adding interest to an already exciting landscape.

But you know, it is a fast, bumpy ride, and some of the critters are more noticeable than others. It's entirely possible that you've missed some of them, reducing the quality of your experience.

But that's why I introduced Source Materials to this blog—to catalog and perhaps provide an explanatory look at these details from the outside world that add detail to the world inside Disneyland.

So let's talk animals!

After-Action Report: The Main Street Electrical Parade

This past Tuesday, it was my very great privilege to experience, for the first time in over 20 years, one of the true classics of Disneyland's live entertainment traditions: the Main Street Electrical Parade!

Yes, I had seen the iteration that appeared for a few summers in California Adventure...but it wasn't right, you know? I'm not talking about the digitally remastered soundtrack, revised floats, or even the fact that they had Tinker Bell in the lead instead of the Blue Fairy. It was that it was supposed to be the Main Street Electrical Parade. The full name was fundamental. Transplanting it to a park without a Main Street couldn't help but cheapen it a little...and that's not even taking into consideration the awkward changes to the recorded introduction.*

Now—for the time being—the Electrical Parade has come home. It's about damn time.

But what is it that makes this parade so beloved? There is no shortage of awesome parades in Disneyland's history, from timeless charmers like the Christmas parades to audaciously hip experiments like Totally Minnie or The World According to Goofy. What is about this one that makes it the darling of veteran parkgoers such as myself? It can't just be that it's the park's most long-lived parade, because it wouldn't have been allowed to run so long if it hadn't been a major hit in the first place. The Main Street Electrical Parade is a Disneyland institution, as much as Space Mountain or “it's a small world” or complaining about how long the lines are. All those years it was absent felt more like a mistake than like normal parade turnover.

Anything lampooned by The Simpsons is a cultural institution by definition.

After-Action Report: Mickey's Toontown

Mickey's Toontown doesn't seem to have too many friends these days. It's one of the Disneyland fandom's most popular candidates for demolition, usually to make room for a much-desired Fantasyland expansion.* The justifications for deep-sixing an entire land usually fall along the lines of: There's nothing to do there/no good rides. It's only for little kids. It's tacky-looking. It's not a Disneyland-worthy concept. (Huh?)

Surprising no one, I am not on board with this idea. I don't visit Toontown every time I'm in the park, but I think it works. So I'm going to sit here and explain why the above arguments are wrong/misguided and why Toontown should stay, and you're going to read it.

Or, you know, visit some other website.

Beyond Blue Sky: The Disneyland House

“Bring Home the Magic.” One of Disney's many marketing slogans. It's usually used in conjunction with their home video productions, but people also take the expression a little more literally and decorate their houses with their favorite Disney characters and motifs. And sometimes with their favorite Disney theme park motifs, which Disney finally cottoned onto a few years ago, so now you can get official Disneyland attraction housewares. If you had about a grand to spare and a more advanced case of Disneyland-mania than even I have, you could go to Le Bat en Rouge and outfit your entire dining room with Haunted Mansion plates, placemats, drinking glass coasters, and even candlesticks.*

But what if more were possible?

What if you had basically unlimited funds and no sense of restraint whatsoever?

What if you could make your entire house into a mini-Disneyland of sorts? If you could, in fact, Make the Magic Your Home?

My sister and I had more-or-less this conversation the other day, fantasizing all kinds of what-if, and we came up with a rough plan for a Disneyland House, if only such a thing could be achieved. And then...I couldn't stop thinking about it. More and more details suggested themselves to my mind. And since it would be out of character for me to keep my thoughts to myself, I'm happy to share them with you here.

Read on, dear...readers, yes...and dream with me.

Kidnap the Magic: Wonderland Leaves

With Easter less than a week away, you might be thinking about spring and summer decorating motifs for your home and garden. It's the season of leaves and flowers, and for some people, there's no need to be weird about it—real plants and/or realistic silk floral will be fine. But some of us might prefer something a little more...specific. More stylized. More relevant to our unique interests.

More like the art of Mary Blair, amirite?

 Mmmmmm...artistic...

The Trains of Disneyland

Among his many, many, many interests, Walt Disney was passionately in love with trains. Rail enthusiasm is a fairly common hobby, of course, but even among the many people with the inclination to build model railways, only a slim handful are dedicated enough to build an actual steam-powered rideable one in their backyard. Small wonder, then, that one of the inaugural attractions Walt planned for Disneyland was a train ride even more impressive than the Carolwood Pacific. Or that many more trains joined it in the years that followed.

This is a post about those trains. That's all—no deep philosophy or scathing opinions, just some warm and fuzzy feelings toward this surprisingly common attraction type. Think of it as part After-Action Report and part Sentimental Paleontology, with a big dollop of See Ya Real Soon added to the mix.

To be clear, I'm only talking about trains that are presented as trains. The Space Mountain vehicles technically qualify as trains but are presented as rockets.

All abooooaaaarrrrrrd!

After-Action Report: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

Here's how you can tell when a Disney theme park ride is really successful: It outlives its source material in the public's esteem. This can only occur under specific circumstances. Firstly, the source material has to become obscure despite a) having been well-regarded enough at one point to be adapted into a ride and b) having the ride around to reinforce it for millions of vacationers each year. Secondly, the ride has to be good enough to draw queues despite losing the power of brand name recognition.

As you can imagine, it doesn't happen very often. You can probably count the genuine instances on one hand. Splash Mountain is the big one, due to being a unique thrill ride based on a movie that is not just obscure by mainstream standards but actually banned. But let's not overlook Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, whose inspiring movie is hardly any more known these days. I mean, when was the last time you watched it?* As for how it survives despite its source material falling off the radar, the ride concept—joyriding around various parts of old-timey England in an old-timey horseless carriage—pretty much speaks for itself.

But I think there's more to it than that. I have been known, in passing, to use the word “transgressive” in regard to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, without going into any details. But how else to describe it? I can't think of another Fantasyland-style dark ride that breaks the mold the way this one does. The usual methodology for plotting out one of these things is to take scenes from the movie and rebuild them physically so guests can ride through. They don't always get the perspective right, but as a rule, you can hop on a dark ride and see events you remember from the movie.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...does not do that. It kind of does the opposite, in fact. It focuses on events that drive the plot of the movie** but actually occurred off-screen.*** The ride has been around forever and we take it for granted, but it's pretty bizarre when you think about it. We must consider that when Disneyland opened, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad was only six years old, well remembered by the public. Did it seem at all weird to 1950s guests that the other Fantasyland dark rides were fairly straightforward recreations and then this one was...well...fanfiction?

It Came From the Fandom: Disnerland

Aaaaarrrrgggghhh, I didn't want to have to do this again so soon, but stress and a busy schedule hit me right in the inspiration and I wasn't able to get a proper post ready in time. So here, have some more fan stuff!

This time the spotlight is on “Disnerland,” a Tumblr blog that spoofs Disneyland, Walt Disney, and occasionally Walt Disney World in the most quirkily specific way. What it does is, it translates the names of theme parks, themed lands, attractions, and even the wording of Walt Disney quotes into what I can only call “Disnerland dialect.” It's not lolcat-speak. The spelling is always correct, and so, mostly, is the grammar, if you allow that certain words change their part of speech in the translation. For example, the word “world” is always rendered, in Disnerland, as “global.” As in “all the global.”

Most of the dialect consists of weird, but somehow logical, substitutions like that. “Family” becomes “house bunch.” Thoughts, ideas, and imagination are all referred to as “head stuff,” while dreams, even the aspirational kind, are “sleep stuff.” Money is “coin.” The founder himself has been transformed into “Wald Disner,” and his most famous creation is “Man Mice.” It's absurd, but the absurdity is methodical enough that you can pick it up quickly.

It's also dripping with affection for the thing it's parodying. Disney parodies are almost embarrassingly common, but finding one as adoring as this is extremely rare. No one who actually felt any hostility toward Disneyland would bother to create such a pervasive jargon for their snark. No one aims sincere mockery at Space Station X-1 or the Tomorrowland Art Corner or the entry plaque. (For one thing, before you can make fun of something you have to know about it, and only dedicated fans of Disneyland are instantly familiar with all those long-extinct attractions.) No one would go to such effort to erase the lettering from attraction poster after attraction poster, match the fonts, and replace it with the aforementioned jargon, unless they enjoyed spending that kind of time with those posters.

More to the point...Disnerland isn't actually saying anything negative, or even wry, about Walt Disney and the Disney theme parks. There are no jokes about Walt's supposed anti-Semitism, how expensive the parks are, or how unsuccessful California Adventure (“Disner's Cooltown Vacay”) was at first. It's just posters, quotes, and ads, run through the Disnerland dialect filter but otherwise unchanged.

But I've rambled enough. Why not click the link up top and see for yourself?

I would.

The Second Sense: The Townsfolk of Main Street, USA

Main Street, USA is themed as an idealized 1900s American small town, where everyone knows everyone else, children respect their elders, and folks are happy to help each other out in a time of need. You know...the kind that probably never really existed, at least not to the extent our national nostalgia supposes. But either way, you can't have such a town without the townsfolk.

Who are the residents of Main Street, USA? Are they just the Cast Members that we see manning the shops and eateries? You could take that assumption for granted and stop there, but if you did, you'd be missing the fascinating meat of the story. There are a number of small (but highly important to those involved) dramas playing out right under our noses in this town. You'll never find them if you merely look for them.

You have to listen for them instead.

Your two main sources are the party line telephones in the Market House, and the second-story windows of East Center Street. Pay attention, note the instances of recurring names and concepts, and you can get...not a complete picture, by any means, but some interesting—and potentially alarming—connections start to crop up...

Armchair Imagineering: Escape From the Shadowman!

I've inspired myself! It happens sometimes—spend enough time spitballing ideas, and one of them is bound to stick to the wall. While writing last week's post, I liked my sketchy idea for a dark ride based on The Princess and the Frog so much that I decided to develop it in more detail. It's a pity I was sick a few weeks ago and had to do a filler post, or this would have come out just in time for Mardi Gras, but we all have to play the hand we're dealt.

Premise

Dr. Facilier has turned us into frogs because...reasons! We must escape his shadow-minions through the Louisiana bayou and return to New Orleans before midnight on Mardi Gras because...also reasons!

Obviously, this ride concept references the plot of The Princess and the Frog in only the broadest of strokes. I keep saying that the best rides are those that focus on the guests rather than making them passive observers to a narrative, and I stand by that. We're not here for Tiana and Naveen. We're here for us.

You'll see what I mean when I get to the details of the ride itself.

Imagineering Theory: Princess's Interesting Dark Ride

Last week, I noted that there are actually very few Princess rides in the Disney theme parks (because it's hard to make a good ride out of a love story) and then did a little analysis of the two that do exist in the Disneyland Resort: Snow White's Scary Adventures and The Little Mermaid ~ Ariel's Undersea Adventure. This week, I thought it might be fun to follow up on the first bit. Which Princess movies would make good dark rides? How best to translate the themes and settings of a given movie into a quality ride?

It promises to be an interesting intellectual exercise, at any rate, so let's get going!

After-Action Report: A Tale of Two Dark Rides

Much to the delight of little girls (and often the chagrin of their parents), Disneyland features what might charitably be called a lot of Princess content. There’s the Castle, of course, with its walkthrough attraction. Several shops focus exclusively on Princess merchandise from dolls to costumes to stationery sets, the Princess movies are favorites for abridging into stage shows, every parade has a Princess unit, and the Princess character meet-and-greets eventually got so popular that an entire sub-district of Fantasyland was built around them.

But you know what the Disney Princesses don’t get very many of? Actual rides. And this is true not just of the Disneyland Resort but of Disney theme parks as a whole. Seriously, how many rides centered on a Princess character can you think of? Like, three, right?

This may be because for all their popularity and grandeur, the Princess movies are not ideal for conversion into rides. Remember the cardinal rule of good attraction design: Put the Guests in the Center of the Action. Most of Disney's Princess films actually don't have a lot of action per se, focusing more on an internal journey (falling in love, discovering self-worth, etc.) than an external one. Show someone a movie, letting them spend upwards of an hour getting to know the main character, and you can usually get them to go along with an internal journey. But a theme park ride rarely affords its participants more than about ten minutes to absorb its content—nowhere near enough time to develop a sympathetic bond with a character, even if they weren't distracted by the physical presence of it all.

Nowhere is this clearer than in comparing the two Princess rides that can be found in the Disneyland Resort. One the one hand, we have Snow White's Scary Adventures, the classic that does it all right, bizarre points and all. On the other, we have The Little Mermaid ~ Ariel's Undersea Adventure,* the newcomer that falls flat in so many ways.

Armchair Imagineering: Disneyland Merch That Should Exist

On this blog, perhaps more often than I should, I sometimes wind up speculating about Disneyland merchandise that I wish existed, from LEGO sets to plastic figurines to more LEGOs. Considering that I really can't justify purchasing a lot of the totally awesome goods that already do exist,* it's probably gross folly for me to keep imagining more, but you know, I just can't help myself. I'm not a terribly ambitious person, but if I can prompt just one person to post that Futurama meme—you know the one—it will be a point of pride.

Thus far, I have focused on Disneyland-based toys that I wish existed, because a) I am a giant nerd who never really outgrew toys, b) toys are usually not very expensive, whereas collectibles intended for grown-ups can be prohibitively so, and c) Disneyland and toys go really well together. The park sells gobs of plush animals and action figures and pretend weapons and children's costumes, some of which are even specific to Disney theme parks. For this post, I plan to branch out from that, but I'm kind of freewheeling it, so we'll have to wait and see what all I come up with.

It Came From the Fandom: Little Big Planet 2 Custom Levels

Well, folks, I’ve been sick this week. I haven’t had the energy and focus necessary to think of a good topic to write about, much less put in the actual work. So instead I’ve decided to roll out a new post category: It Came From the Fandom. As fandoms go, the one for the Disney parks is not the most productive in terms of creating content like fan art, fanfiction, etc….but it’s out there if you know where to look. Since I do know at least some of the places to look, from time to time I’ll share my findings with you.

Beyond Blue Sky: Collectible Disneyland Minifigs, Part 2

Last week, I had a purely self-indulgent post where I imagined a wave of Collectible LEGO Minifigures consisting of Disney film and TV characters representing the themed lands of Disneyland. This week, I continue to pamper myself by imagining a wave of Collectible LEGO Minifigures consisting of characters more specific to Disneyland: characters originating in the Disney theme parks, prominent Cast Member concepts, and even a few guests.

I suppose a reiteration of the rules is in order here:

• I have to come up with 18 concepts for minifigs.
• There will be two minifigs per land (including the upcoming Star Wars area—although I had to break this sub-rule last time), one male and one female.
• Each minifig must have an identifiable connection to the land where I assign them, not just fit in a general thematic sense. This should be easier to manage here than in last week's project, since I'm using characters specific to the parks.
• Each minifig must be original. Last time, that meant no repeats of characters who have already been made into minifigs. This time, it's going to be even harder; LEGO has produced minifigs for a vast variety of themes over the years, many of which cover similar ground to the themed areas at Disneyland.
• Not a rule as such, but more of a consideration—when crafting the character set last week, I made sure to think about the desires of LEGO collectors and Disney fans who aren't so interested in the parks per se. In other words, even though my goal was a minifig set specifically tied to Disneyland, I wanted it to be something that people outside that narrow fandom could enjoy on its own merits. I'm aiming for the same thing with this one—these should be minifig concepts that anyone can find a use for.

Think I can do it again? Let's find out!

Beyond Blue Sky: Collectible Disneyland Minifigs, Part 1

I'm going to talk about LEGO again. If that's not your thing, please examine the sidebar for other websites you might enjoy for the next two weeks.

Remember last year when I was getting all excited about LEGO minifigures of Disney characters and the Cinderella Castle set and the prospect of more theme park sets to come?

Well…we haven’t had any more theme park sets, but the character minifigs were enough of a hit that we expect to get another wave of them. The speculation about which characters will be included in Round Two has been madder than a Tea Party…but you can probably guess where my mind is going in all this. As long as we're going to have collectible Disney minifigs...why not collectible Disneyland minifigs?

Think they wouldn't sell? I beg to differ. I can't really think of any minifigure concept that is so specific to Disneyland as to hold no interest for the adult LEGO fan community at large. “Disneyland minifigs” potentially fall into two main categories: 1) Disney characters, which have already proven their appeal, and 2) general characters, whose potential appeal can be demonstrated by...basically all the other non-licensed waves of collectible minifigures.

To further illustrate what I mean, I offer this hypothetical set of minifigs designed to satisfy fans of both Disneyland and LEGO, so that the true breadth of their appeal will be evident.

In fact...I'm going to offer two sets: one for each of the two main categories mentioned above. I'll cover the pre-existing Disney character this week and the others next week.

Armchair Imagineering: Plussing the Show

“Always plus the show,” Walt Disney was known to say. I have no idea if he innovated the practice of using “plus” as a transitive verb, but fans have picked it up right alongside other Disneyland insider jargon, including “weenie”* and “protein spill.”** To Walt, “plussing” meant any sort of improvement on what was already there, but as language does, the term seems to have evolved. When most people talk about “plussing,” they are definitely not referring to new attractions or even wholesale renovations of existing ones. Nor is the term used in connection with essential maintenance—fixing a broken animatronic is not plussing…more like “un-minusing.”*** Plussing, rather, is making a small improvement to the park—a new garden planter here, an array of verisimilitude-enhancing props there, an Easter egg added to a show scene to reward the sharp-eyed and/or well-read.

There is no hard bright line separating the mere plusses from more significant alterations, but we know the difference when we see it. The 2015 changes to the Matterhorn are too extensive to be considered plusses, but the revamp of Big Thunder Mountain’s climactic scene might count. The addition of a cross-country skiing troupe to A Christmas Fantasy Parade definitely counts. Here’s another great example, spotted (by yours truly) just over a week ago in the Enchanted Chamber:

Pictured: The funniest scene in any Disney movie ever. Period.

There is an infinite “possibility space” of plusses that could be made to Disneyland. Here are some I would like to see.

Armchair Imagineering: Saving the Heraldry Shoppe

So they’ve gone and decided to close the Castle Heraldry Shoppe, reportedly to extend the queue area for Peter Pan’s Flight. While I am sympathetic to this purpose—the spillover for Fantasyland’s most popular dark ride really was getting out of hand—it’s still disappointing to lose yet another unique and classy feature of the park. It’s nowhere near the travesty committed by walling off the Court of Angels to the general public, but dangit, I like the Heraldry Shoppe, and not just because I have an interest in heraldry itself. It's one of the few places in Fantasyland to have something going for it with more substance than just animated characters presented without comment.

And the thing is...we didn't have to lose it, per se. Shops come and go all the time—the Heraldry Shoppe itself only goes back to 2004—and sometimes they simply move. There’s no particular reason some other location couldn’t take up the mantle of Disneyland’s purveyor of fine coats of arms and bladed weapons. This is definitely true of Fantasyland, whose retail spaces tend to be underused or redundant to begin with.

So here are my picks, in descending order of preference, for where the Heraldry Shoppe should be moved. Even though it won't be.

Kidnap the Magic: The Art of the Disneyland Font (Part 2)

So I called a general meeting of the blog staff, which was pretty easy since this is a one-woman show. We—that is, I—came to the conclusion that we should move the weekly post from Sundays to Mondays. The benefit to us—me—is that if I'm running a little low on inspiration, I have the whole weekend to cram instead of just Saturday. The benefit to you is that this post is up now, instead of six days from now.

I am assuming, of course, that anyone is still here. So...is anyone still here? Sorry to leave you all hanging like that, but you know how the holidays can be. What was I talking about again? Oh, right—fonts you can use for Disneyland-related printed projects!