The Second Sense: The Townsfolk of Main Street, USA

Main Street, USA is themed as an idealized 1900s American small town, where everyone knows everyone else, children respect their elders, and folks are happy to help each other out in a time of need. You know...the kind that probably never really existed, at least not to the extent our national nostalgia supposes. But either way, you can't have such a town without the townsfolk.

Who are the residents of Main Street, USA? Are they just the Cast Members that we see manning the shops and eateries? You could take that assumption for granted and stop there, but if you did, you'd be missing the fascinating meat of the story. There are a number of small (but highly important to those involved) dramas playing out right under our noses in this town. You'll never find them if you merely look for them.

You have to listen for them instead.

Your two main sources are the party line telephones in the Market House, and the second-story windows of East Center Street. Pay attention, note the instances of recurring names and concepts, and you can get...not a complete picture, by any means, but some interesting—and potentially alarming—connections start to crop up...

Mr. Dinglinger: Owner and operator of a general store. He seems reasonable and professional, but Annie's mother thinks he overcharges for steak and ham.

Annie (last name unknown): A dutiful daughter, likely in her teens, who runs errands for her mother at Dinglinger's Store. She handles her Mama's rambling about prices with grace and aplomb, and may actually be the linchpin of the household.

Mrs. (last name unknown): Annie's mother, a hard-working, long-suffering, penny-saving housewife. Do not get her started on the price of meat, cigars, or menswear, or the difficulty of attracting a financially solvent man these days.

Auralee Flump: We know three things about her: a) She owns a clock that runs slow, b) she suffers from a persistent chest cold, and c) she has an irritating habit of eavesdropping on party line conversations. But we wouldn't know anything about that, would we?

Quentin Spoon: This elderly gentleman serves as the town’s Postmaster, Fire Chief, and many other positions besides, and he has a hat for all of them. Very conscientious about doing his job(s), he insists upon changing hats in accordance with the role he is called upon to fill, even on a moment-to-moment basis. Unfortunately, he is also easily distracted and a little hard of hearing.

Hezekiah and Thelma Bird: The Birds own a pet store specializing in...well, birds, located at 23 Elmtree Lane. At least they used to. They've just suffered a dreadful setback—the barn where they housed their overstock has burned to the ground! How could Fire Chief Spoon have allowed this to happen?

Mick (last name unknown): A first-generation Irish immigrant and sergeant of the local police force. He has recently acquired a brand-new paddy wagon for the town, and will happily boast about it. Just don't ask to see it. It's not available for public viewing at the moment.

Gertrude Anderson: A Southern belle to the very core—vain, unfailingly polite, and the self-appointed guardian of the town's morality and manners. You are vanishingly unlikely to actually lay eyes on her (or anyone else listed here), but if you happen to see a well-dressed lady with a hat bedecked with peacock feathers, it's got to be her.

Miss Sarah Fields: This young lady gives piano lessons on the second floor of a building overlooking East Center Street. She is a real terror to her students, quick to rap their knuckles with a ruler if they make a mistake. Now, call me a bleeding-heart liberal,* but it seems to me that pain and potential injury to a piano student's fingers is only going to make their performance worse, isn't it? Also of note about Miss Fields: She has been spotted “walking out” with the town's new dance instructor (name unknown). How brazen!

Dr. Bitz: The town dentist, he uses all the latest developments in dental technology, from state-of-the-art tools and techniques to laughing gas. He's so accomplished that his patients even include other dentists! On the other hand, occasionally he makes a teensy mistake like drilling a patient's nose rather than their teeth, or pulling the wrong tooth altogether.

In just a handful of conversations, we begin to detect some seriously shady goings-on in the town of Main Street, USA! What conclusion can we possibly draw except that this place is not so idealized after all?

More to the point, let's just take a moment to appreciate the Imagineers for including all this subtle content. You'll never see the names Dinglinger or Bitz in a brochure, nor even a mention of the Market House's telephones. You have to go there in person, poke around, and take a few minutes out of your day to listen.

And Main Street is not the only place where second-story windows, unusual telephones, and other features tell hidden stories. The next time you're in Disneyland and hurting for things to do that don't require a 90-minute wait...explore a bit with your ears.

* Because I am one.